Our Sons

The most emailed article from the New York Times on Tuesday was titled, “Giving Boys the Tools for Success and Multitasking”. As I read the article, it took me back to 1999 when my son was in middle school. The teachers nicknamed him “pigpen” because he forever had a stream of papers falling out of his backpack and hanging out of his locker. As much as we tried to help organize him we couldn’t. By eighth grade we gave up. He went through middle school having “nickel and dimed” himself as we were told by his teachers because he would lose homework assignments and get points taken off for failing notebook spot checks. He eventually worked the kinks out of some self-designed system because he completed Honors and AP classes, graduated from high school and attends a top University. But, there was no support - we were told he was just “wired” that way. Not that he would have agreed to see one of the “organizational tutors” in this article anyway - but I am sure no such option even existed.

Back in the early ‘90’s there was an explosion of literature about how boys are failing. Books titled, The Wonder of Boys, by Michael Gurian, Real Boys by William Pollack, and the War Against Boys by Christina Hoff Sommers, essentially reported that boys were on the brink of crashing in every aspect of society - families, schools and the community. Boys were doing poorly in school, abusing more drugs, dropping out of school at higher rates, earning fewer college degrees, crowding special education programs and generally becoming misfits in our society. And today’s statistics support this prediction: girls outpace boys in academics (particularly in reading), in high school graduation rates, and in college acceptances. There continues to be a higher rate of male violent offenders, more boys in special education programs and in the principals’ offices. Take a look at these statistics; they are shocking.

Could it be that when I was worrying about the future for my daughters when they were born in the early 90’s, I should have been equally concerned for my son, being born in the late 80’s? I wasn’t aware then, that boys were becoming more and more disengaged. But it is so clear to me now, that somehow they were left behind.

Ten years after this proliferation of literature the story continues to unfold. A government report called, America’s Children: Key National Indicators of Well-Being 2007, examined statistics related to our kids’ health, safety, behavior, economics, education and family and social environment over the past 2 decades. The conclusion is hopeful. Although girls continue to lead by a large margin, the gap is closing. The downward trend for boys has begun a slow turn upward.

During the 1980’s, girls had a lot of catching up to do and progress was made through legislation and programs that equalized access to everything from education to athletics. I am not saying that the playing fields have equaled out yet, but I believe that the close attention that girls were getting in the 80’s directly contributed to who they are today. Perhaps the “boy” literature of the early 90’s was the catalyst to do the same for their brothers.

The mere fact that both sexes are genetically different naturally translates into a divergence of approaches to learning, problem solving and to social interactions. Educators and other professionals are acknowledging that it’s not that boys won’t fit the mold, but the mold doesn’t fit the boys. New teaching styles and methodologies are being investigated, curriculums are being adapted and classrooms are being redesigned. There are all kinds of non-profit organizations that address “boy power issues”, to:

increase academic skills, to increase college success, and to develop the confidence, drive, and determination to contribute to American society.

Sound familiar? Not much different than the organizations that were created to support young girls a few decades back.

With books topping this year’s best seller list like, “The Dangerous Book for Boys” that according to the authors acknowledge:

“In this age of video games and cell phones, there must still be a place for knots, tree houses, and stories of incredible courage"

It is evident that the tide is changing. The book does not promote aggressive behavior, nor does it praise boys over girls, it “exudes the confidence of ages past that boys are to be treasured not cured”. And perhaps this is the direction we need to follow. Boys need to be supported and given the freedom to be who they are. To be believed in. They are the next fathers, husbands and contributors to our society and if they are nurtured as children the results can only be better when they become adults.

Socrates may have had it right, when many thousands of years ago he asked,

“How shall we find a gentle nature which also has a great spirit?”

Perhaps we are moving closer and within time, both boys and girls will grow up being more comfortable in their own skins, content with their decisions, and finding ways to break through some of the issues that our generation has not yet achieved.

Killer at Large

I never thought the word "Killer" would be in a title of one of my posts, but it is befitting the content. There is a new film directed by Steven Greenstreet. In 2005, Greenstreet directed the award-winning documentary "This Divided State" which chronicled the furor over Utah Valley State College's decision to bring Michael Moore to speak on campus in the days before the divisive 2004 presidential election.

This film, exposes the details of the American obesity epidemic. And it looks specifically at childhood obesity.

It serves as a call to arms for concerned parents, school districts, and entire communities who have empowered themselves to take a stand and reverse this deadly trend which is set to cripple our entire nation's health care system and bankrupt our economy within the next twenty years.

An interesting thing about this film is that 3 twenty somethings produced this film out their 6x8 studio apartment. This interview, tells alot about the filmmakers and the project. Kudos to these young guys.

Hopefully, Killer at Large, will serve as a catalyst to bring the issue of childhood obesity into the forefront so there can be more dialogue and positive steps to attack this problem.

It is being submitted to 30 Film festivals and is supposed to be released in early 2008. I'll be keeping an eye out for it.

High School Dropout A Silent Epidemic - We Must Do Something (WMD'S #1)

Every 29 seconds, another student gives up on school. This translates into more than 1 million American high school students every year. Nearly 33% of all public high school student and 50% of all black, Hispanic and Native American students fail to graduate from public high school with their class.

Take a moment to forget about the question I have posted earlier, about whether our high school graduates will be able to compete in the global market in the 21st century. What about the one million students per year, who barely have a chance to compete here in the United States?

What surprises me most about high school dropouts, is the major reason why they drop out. I naively believed that it was due mostly to personal reasons, such as helping support a family, pregnancy, or care for a family member. From a study sponsored by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, I learned that nearly 50% of all dropouts do so because their classes are not interesting. Furthermore 70% have said they were not motivated to work hard and 66% said they would have worked harder if more had been demanded of them. Only 1/3 of all students dropout because of family or personal situations.

Our schools are failing our kids. As I read this study further it is unquestionably clear that dropping out is an act of last resort. A fair percentage of these students enter high school unprepared and are destined to fail. We all know “those” kids -- the one’s who struggled early on either academically, emotionally or socially. Teacher and peer expectations are lowered, kids become underachievers and before long it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

As unhappy as some of these kids may be in school, none of them look forward to the day when they are old enough to drop out. The study pointed out that dropping out is not a “sudden act, but a gradual process of disengagement”. In other words, there is time to intervene before that last act is committed.

I realize the seemingly insurmountable challenges that teachers and other school officials contend with on a daily basis and I applaud their efforts to confront these challenges. I have only researched the tip of the iceberg when looking for nonprofit, for-profit and government agencies putting forth enormous efforts to help fight this problem. But here is my position.

If you look in the eyes of any child, no matter the age or socioeconomic background, and believe that each one individually wants to succeed, find happines and be a positive and contributing member to our society, then there’s the first step. Kids need someone who can believe in them. Every child wants to grow up to be something - ask any preschooler - they all have an answer. So much can go wrong during this process of growing up and graduating from high school and we come out the losers. There is so much potential that goes untapped because kids get lost along the way.

So, what can we do? Here are a few suggestions:

1) Think about becoming a mentor. I have had the privilege of being a mentor for the last years and I promise anyone who volunteers to give one on one time to a child will reap benefits that are far beyond anything you can imagine. Here is the website of mentoring.org which is the national clearinghouse for mentoring advocacy and programs. Check to see if your town has a program already in place. January is National Mentoring Month.

2) Check out your school district to see what its high school graduation rate is and how it compares to other towns in your state and the United States. Then decide if there is something you want to do about it if you are unhappy with the statistic.

3) Find out the presidential candidates stand on this issue.

4) Further educate yourself on the issue. This will get you started, or this

5) Think about education reform. Take a look at these stories and websites: NPR did a story today about Boulder's school system and an innovative approach to education, Edin08is a fairly new initiative, have a look.

And finally, here’s something to remember:

“Make a habit of two things: to help or at least to do no harm" ~ Hippocrates

.

2 Million Minutes to Face the Competition

I have finally had an opportunity to view the documentary, 2 Million Minutes.

Briefly, the film focuses on 6 high school students, two each from the United States, China and India. Each pair attends the same high school, which by the way, are all top performing schools in their respective countries. The students represent the stereotypical profile one would expect to see: the American students are high achieving and successful but are not particularly academically motivated, the Chinese students are high achieving, intense and focused and the Indian students are high achieving and hard-working but seem internally conflicted by the external pressure of their parents and Indian society. The film explores cultural attitudes about education and whether or not American students will be able to compete in the global economy in the 21st century.

I immediately wondered how the students were chosen for the film. All six of them were very bright and ranked in the upper end of their classes. At first, I thought they purposely profiled “typical” high achieving American students but picked “extraordinary” Chinese and Indian students to make a more drastic point. But as I continued viewing, I realized that all the students seemed pretty typical whithin their own cultures. As extraordinary as the Chinese and Indian students appeared to me it was evident that I was judging them through my American eyes. Although I was impressed by their commitment and fortitude, I realized they were clearly not the most distinguished students in their countries. However, those typical high achieving students in China or India are more similar to our most extraordinary students in America.

I was prepared to watch yet another documentary that mocked our broken system and hailed the Asians as superior in their methodology and resolute in their academic rigor. It is not what I found. Instead, I watched a thought provoking dialogue about the potential crisis that America may face if we don’t,

wake up and realize the new threat, the fact that we are competing with anyone anywhere in the world and we’re going to lose. We are not going to be the leaders in the next 30 years or so unless we wake up and realize that. And it takes decades to create a high performing scientist or engineer. Because these things unfold over time, people tend to overlook them. It is a crisis because by the time one recognizes what has happened it takes time to remedy the situation.

Despite the warning, I couldn’t help cheer a bit for the American students. I found comfort in their individual spirit and wholesome attitude about finding balance in their lives. The openness of our society breeds opportunities that don’t exist in other countries. As a result our high school students face different challenges and expectations. The opportunity for economic mobility, the freedom to decide what’s going to help them lead happy and fulfilling lives also adds a certain pressure that students in these other countries cannot relate to.

And then I thought about yesterday’s announcement of the winners of the 2007 Siemens competition in Math, Science and Technology. All three winners for the individual and team competitions were girls (which is fodder for another time). I went to the Siemens website to read the bios of the National finalists. I expected to find science “geeks” whose lives were absorbed only by academics. To my surprise, I found public school kids who not only excelled in the sciences but were captains of sports teams, newspaper editors, community activists, literary geniuses and accomplished musicians. Even those extraordinary American science students find time to balance their lives with other interests and commitments.

What motivates these kids? Is it their schools, their families or some internal drive that has been nurtured by a combination of both? Why are they the extreme examples of our educational system rather than the norm? Do they represent the models for our future? It would be interesting to interview these students to hear about their experience and interaction with the American educational system as well what expectations they have for themselves. I would venture to guess, that their core values may not differ much from the two students interviewed for this film. Chances are they are also seeking balance and happiness in their lives but is there a place for these values in the global market?

Although I believe that our educational system is in terrible need of repair, I don’t believe that the Chinese or Indian systems are models we should necessarily aspire to. There is no question that our students face greater challenges than earlier generations and they will certainly confront the competition of an ever increasing, highly motivated and incredibly sophisticated international workforce. But I am not sure what we, as a nation, are willing to compromise to stay ahead or even remain in the race. By who’s rules will this generation play by?

Robert Reich, former Secretary of Labor under President Clinton sums it all up in the film:

It’s not to be #1 necessarily in everything. It’s not to knock the Chinese or the Indians down, it’s to be part of an increasingly, hopefully more valuable set of human minds doing more and more complicated and more productive things.

I don’t think we need a crystal ball to look 30 years into the future, but the bigger question is, what are we going to do about it and when will it become too late? 2 Million Minutes is the springboard from which we must begin to dive into these issues.

A Gardener Plants Seeds for the Future

There is a man by the name of Catalino Tapia of Redwood City, California, who came to the United States, from Mexico, at age 20 with $6 in his pocket. Over the past 43 years, he has worked as a baker and a machine operator. His education never went beyond 6th grade. However, through hard work he eventually built a successful gardening business. He married and raised two children. One son graduated from Boalt School of Law at UC Berkeley and is now an attorney in Los Angeles.

This story is not about this young immigrant’s rise to success, although it easily could have been. It is about a man who sees the inimitable value of education and his philanthropic vision. Mr. Tapia, with his son’s legal help, founded The Bay Area Gardener’s Foundation. It’s purpose: to give college scholarships to low-income students from the Bay area. He is a man of modest means, and from what I gleaned from an interview I recently listened to, of modest personality, as well. He believes “it is his duty to pass along the prosperity he has earned, to draw community members together for a shared goal and to be accountable for the well-being of the next generation.” Hmmm.

His Board consists of a dozen other immigrant gardeners and other community members who see the value in helping struggling students take the edge off some of their financial responsibilities by offering funds for books, transportation and other incidental expenses -- costs that may not amount to a lot for some, but for others it is the difference of working an extra job to raise these funds. Any student who has at least 2.5 GPA is eligible, even if he/she is an undocumented alien. Everyone on the Board agrees that, “"no matter what, they're going to have their education. So even though they don't have their papers and even though they might not be able to get a job with their Social Security number, no one will be able to take away their education."

The main group that the Foundation has reached so far has been Latino High School students. Only 13 percent of U.S.-born Latino adults in California have a bachelor's degree, according to the nonpartisan Public Policy Institute of California. For immigrant Latinos, it is 5 percent. This is a startling figure. The US Congress has failed to pass the DREAM Act (Development, Relief and Education for Alien Minors), on numerous occasions. This Act, if passed, would allow undocumented students who grew up in the US to qualify for a permanent Green card. What better incentive to encourage students to continue their studies?

Education is the vehicle by which millions of individuals can better their lives. In one little corner of our country, one man has made this his mission and I applaud him for his sincerity and commitment to his cause.

As we approach the Thanksgiving holiday, we might all take a second glance at how we can reach out to other communities by volunteering our time or resources. One of the Bay Area Gardener Foundation donors said it perfectly:

“It's extraordinary to see a body of people who are struggling to make it in America also struggling for other people's children. ... Is that not grasping the American dream?"

The Case of the Morton West High School: Who Really Should be Punished?

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
~1st Amendment to the US Constitution

The 1st Amendment represents the most fundamental right that every US citizen believes is inalienable. Regardless of whether they have studied their civics: kids know about freedom of speech and freedom of assembly - it is what being American is all about.

According to the New York Times, on November 1, 2007, the students at Morton West High School in suburban Chicago, staged a peaceful anti-war protest in their cafeteria. By the time it was over, more than a dozen students were suspended and they now face expulsion. There are two versions of the story. In a statement by the superintendent, the 1st version is as follows:

…the students were informed by school administration and Berwyn Police that their actions constituted a disruption to the school day. They were afforded the opportunity to take their protest outside where they would not be impeding the educational process and, if they did so, they would face no disciplinary action. Several members of the group elected to return to their classes. Other members of the group locked arms and refused to move from their location.

After some time and negotiation, the students ultimately moved from the cafeteria to an area of the hallway adjacent to the principal's office.

The Student version continues:

Students report that they were promised that there would be no charges besides cutting classes if they took their protest outside so as not to disturb the school day. The students complied, and were led to a corner outside the cafeteria where they sang songs and held signs while classes resumed.

In either version, the students eventually complied and continued their protest in their designated space. What followed is most disturbing. Apparently school deans, counselors and even the Superintendent himself tried to change the minds of a few of the students, particularly those with high GPA’s. The school called the parents of many of the protesters, but not all of them, and offered them the opportunity to pick their students up before the close of school guaranteeing a 3-5 day suspension, the rest, 37 students were given 10 day suspensions and expulsion papers. And even worse, students, whose parents complained, were offered reduced punishments only if they signed a confession that singled out the student as the organizer of the protest.

This scenario, although much more serious in its implications, is not all that different than one that occurred in our local high school. The students, acting on reliable information, staged a sit-in in protest to a change in policy at the school. With a video camera running, the principal immediately asked the assembly to disburse. Outraged, he gathered student leaders, who had no involvement in the sit-in and threatened their leadership positions if they did not identify the protesters. The students refused to comply. Nobody was expelled but four students were suspended. Although this story was rather insignificant compared to the Morton West High School incident, there are some striking similarities.

Students should be prepared that a sit-in or protest, unless certified or organized with the administration’s support, could result in some consequences. Certainly in the case of the Morton West high school students, expulsion is definitely extreme. However at least they were given an alternative place to gather, our local students were flatly told to disburse. However, the real disturbing facts are what occurred after both of the incidences.

In both cases, students were being pressured, almost bullied to “finger” the perpetrators. The administration dangled a reward of a reduced punishment
in the case of the Morton West students, and a threat in the case of our local high school students. Where is it written in any administrator’s job description that he/she may brandish their positions of authority in such an irresponsible and a repressive manner?

Furthermore, in the case of the Morton West students, how narcissistic are those administrators who felt compelled to play “God” by protecting the reputations and records of those higher achieving students by warning them that it would be in their best interest to disburse? Whose idea was it to call some parents and give them a head’s up to their sons’ and daughters’ potential punishments if they didn’t collect them by a certain time? What kind of system is at play?

It is impossible to take an administration seriously when the leader can wantonly create rules to fit his/her needs? Are these the lessons we want our children to learn? The basics like 1st Amendment rights to Free Speech and Freedom of Assembly are no-brainers, we expect our kids to learn about this in school, and if they experience it first hand, all the better. These lessons fall under an academic heading such as social studies or civics.

But how do you categorize the finer nuances of a learning environment that are equally important, such as fairness, truthfulness and integrity - qualities that as parents we expect our teachers and administrators to not only model for our kids through their own actions but to expect in every student that walks the halls of our schools? There is no purer laboratory than a classroom or school environment in which to teach these concepts. Yet, it seems that in both cases, the schools failed miserably and our students walked away with learning an entirely different lesson and not a lesson any reasonable person would be proud of.

Issues like Free Speech and Freedom of Assembly are protected by our Constitution and there are legal avenues when these rights appear to be violated. Classrooms have historically been venues where these issues are often raised. However, there is obviously no Constitutional right to expect fairness, truthfulness and integrity from our teachers and school leaders, only a moral compact and a code of ethics that parents have entrusted in them and an expectation that they will act responsibly, fairly and in the best interest of each and every student.

The Victimization of Nate Fisher

The Nate Fisher case is obviously emblematic of a much broader problem in our country. It was almost as if Jeffrrey Zaslow could forsee Mr. Fisher's future when he wrote an article for the Wall Street Journal a few weeks ago, “Avoiding Kids: How Men Cope
with Being Cast as Predators”. He writes how our kids are being taught to fear men and men are opting out of engaging with kids for fear of being cast as predators.

Because he is a male teacher, because he suggested “questionable material” and because he asked a female student “how she felt about it”, the student's parents essentially were given carte blanche to make an accusation against Nate Fisher. And these accusations were immediately deemed justifiable. It didn’t matter that his accusers had never met this teacher and that their child had only been in his class for two days. It also didn’t seem to matter to any official that this teacher's very own students who had spent an entire year in his classroom immediately and boldly came to his defense.

Is there such blind enforcement of Reporting Laws that no matter what claim is presented by a parent or a student, school officials are required to report immediately, with no questions asked? The potential destruction of somebody's life is at stake here. Laws are only as effective their enforcement. And perhaps therein lies some of the problem. In our vigorous quest to mete out sexual predators, we are harming a few innocent people along the way. Those few individuals are still people who have lives to live, reputations to uphold and passions to pursue. Are there going to be fewer men who choose teaching as a career? Fewer male coaches? Fewer male mentors and camp counselors and doctors and club leaders and religious leaders? A frightening prospect but not an unlikely one. If laws are written to protect citizens, Nate Fisher was deserving of protection as well and the system failed him.

Nate Fisher has become another story in Mr. Zaslow’s report. Never mind that his promising career may be finished. Perhaps even more depressing is that he will forever feel personally scrutinized. I can’t help but wonder if the parents of all those student supporters, who never once during the previous year ever questioned Mr. Fisher’s intentions, suddenly started second guessing themselves and their children. Nate Fisher will always have a cloud of doubt over him.

And what about those students who came to his defense? Were their words, testimonies and observations worth nothing? What happened to their voices? One of those teaching moments - again. How disempowered they must feel or is there maybe an uneasiness among them now that perhaps they misjudged this guy, since after all, he did resign and the administration willingly accepted it. It was like, “poof” he never existed.

Think about this, from the same Wall Street Journal article:

"Good parenting and good education demand that we let children take risks," says Mr. Frederick, a career coach. "We install playground equipment, putting them at risk of falls and broken bones. Why? We want them to challenge themselves and develop muscles and confidence."

"Likewise, while we don't want sexual predators to harm our kids, we do want our kids to develop healthy relationships with adults, both men and women. Instilling a fear of men is a profound disservice to everyone."

Thanks to Karoli for getting me thinking some more about this. Her posting should be read by everyone.

Nate Fisher case is still in the news

As a follow-up to yesterday's post, I found this posting on a blog called, The Beat. It is a posting of the facts from the mother in the Nate Fisher case. After reading it, I now have some of my questions answered:

Here is what she wrote:

"I am the mother of this student. I can tell you the facts on our side of this, and you can make your judgment from there, but at least your facts will be right.

My daughter arrived in her English class on the second day of school, (the first day was used for books and roll taking ect)

Since she was not in the school system the year before she was not assigned a summer reading assignment before arriving in her new high school.

Her brand new English teacher asked her to stay after class so he could give her an assignment to read over the labor day long weekend and give him an oral report on the next school day. He gave her a choice of 5 books, 4 of the books were about civil war, the lone ranger and Tonto and military fighting. One book was about shooting pool, or so she thought - This would be Eightball (issue #22). The teacher pointed out eightball and told her this is the one he thought she would like the most. He also told her it might have a little bit of mature content in it.

She said okay and put the comic in her bag and off she went. - The comic stayed in her bag until Saturday when we were all driving in the car heading to a family picnic - My younger children and a friends child are in the backseat with my daughter and I hear a strange giggling coming from the back. Any parent knows the kind of giggling I’m talking about (the kind where you should immediately ask what’s going on). So I said to the group of children - “what’s so funny you guys!” So the kids reply - We are laughing at the reading assignment from her teacher - “The two kids are doing it” - So I said - Give me that!

I took the comic from the kids, and I started reading it.

Now let me tell you, I am not shocked by much, but the first page I turned to was the fluffy blue bunny page - and I was shocked. Why would this teacher think my 13 year old would want to read this! I could not imagine what this teacher had in mind with my daughter by giving her this comic. I was fearful that I knew what might be on his mind!

Also let me tell you that when I went to the police and the school, we were not on a witch-hunt - we weren’t out to get anyone fired and we were really hoping this was all a big mistake. We thought possibly that maybe some kid stuck this in his classroom as a joke and that happened to be the one she picked up thinking it was about playing pool.

I showed the school and the resource officer what was given to my daughter and they were very surprised, this is not part of the allowed reading material for teachers to give. They said thank you and we will be in touch later and let you know what we find out.

So the afternoon goes by and my Daughter gets off the bus, I ask her what happened in his class that day and she tells me that - He pulled her aside after class and asked her how reading that comic made her feel.

She told him that she really thought it was disgusting and inappropriate and he said yes, I told you it might be a little bit mature.

Well when I heard this, I was really disgusted. What can I assume in this day and age was this teachers motives?? I put her back in the car and I went back down to the school. I asked to see the principal again and I told him what was said to her after class.

Now I want to say - this next piece of information was just what I was told by the school - I didn’t hear the teacher say this personally.

I was told that the teacher gave it to my daughter because he thought she would like the material. But - He said he had it as a college graphic Adult reading assignment in a college class several years before.

That was a college class he signed up for and he knew the course material. Not something handed to him by a teacher in high school and told to read.

`Again, I would like to STRONGLY attest to the fact that I am not against mature reading material being discussed in a classroom setting. I have no problems with nudity, violence, or any other topic discussed in a setting that promotes learning. Had this piece of material been given to the class as a whole as an assignment on modern day graphic novels and the literary benefits of them, there would be no problem.

There would be no problem because it would be part of a curriculum, clearly meant for learning.

Had the teacher suggested this graphic novel to my daughter, advising her that it is of mature content, and asking her to obtain it on her own with her parents consent, then I would have no problem with it.

This is where I have a problem. This teacher gave my daughter, and ONLY my daughter, a graphic novel of mature nature, without the knowledge of the administration, as an extra curricular assignment. This was done after class to my 13-year-old daughter. Yes she was 13 at the time of the incident. She has since turned 14. That may help to alleviate any confusion about her age. In dealing with these situations, parents these days can’t take chances. I will never know this teachers true intent, but I do know that he is at least guilty of extremely bad judgment.

I do not have the blind faith to assume that everything is OK. My duty is to protect my children. I will not compromise that."

Now, I still walk away with the same conclusion:

One of our jobs as parents is to make sure our kids are safe. I certainly understand this mother's reaction to do everything possible to protect her daughter. I am sure she was fuming and shocked - especially being new to to town - wondering how this could have happened.

However, at what cost and to what extremes do we go to protect our children? Isn't it also our job to be good role models for our kids, especially when they are teenagers and they judge our behavior so scrupulously? By rushing to the police, and notifying school officials, she denied the teacher any opportunity to explain himself. He was guilty way before he even had a chance to prove his innocence, or at least his poor judgement. This was a perfect opportunity for a Parental Teaching moment -- to demonstrate how adults work out differences by gathering facts, communicating, trying to understand both sides of an issue, and in this case, realizing that people, even teachers are human and they make mistakes.

Forgiveness would have been much better lesson to learn.

Controversy in the Classroom - Everyone Loses

If there is one thing I’ve learned from being a parent, it’s that there are always two sides to a story and the truth usually lies somewhere in between. Whenever an argument erupts between by kids, I am captivated time and again by one's ability to win my support of their version of the story, only to hear an equally compelling saga from their sibling . I believe that such is the case of Nate Fisher, a popular English teacher and an unnamed student from a local high school. Fisher resigned last week and the student, from what I have read has been suffering at the hands of her peers.

In the same manner that I try (often unsuccessfully) to understand the true facts of a disagreement between my kids, I have tried to understand the facts of this story. Here are the simple facts that I believe are indisputable.

Fact #1: A teacher gives a freshman student (female) a suggested book for a project. The book is a graphic novel.
Fact #2: The parents of the student find the material inappropriate
Fact #3: The book is written by, Daniel Clowes, an award-winning graphic comic book writer
Fact #4: The Teacher is placed on Administrative leave
Fact #5: Word gets out that the teacher is facing trouble and a Facebook group is created in support of the teacher. Communications get nasty, with the student being targeted and the site is closed down.
Fact #6: The teacher resigns and the student becomes the target of harassment
Fact #7: Everyone loses

We don’t know much more than this, but here’s where it doesn’t matter what we know or what we assume: The grey area of disagreement over perception can inflict such unfortunate pain on its victims. I don’t know the student, her parents or the teacher. However, there is no doubt that both sides of the controversy present compelling arguments..

First, the teacher. I will draw my own conclusion and refuse to believe that Nate Fisher’s intentions were impure or that his goal was to make the girl uncomfortable by giving her “pornographic material”. He’s a young teacher who, I imagine, if he’s a good English teacher, follows literary trends and reads works by up and coming authors. Graphic novels can be edgy, but the author he chose isn’t scum, he’s an award-winning, graphic novelist who has been acclaimed by Time Magazine and the New York Times. Did he demonstrate bad judgment by offering the book? Perhaps. We don’t know the conversation that transpired between him and his student before giving her the book. Did he warn her that the material may be too mature for her? Did he suggest she get permission from her parents first? Should he have first gotten administrative permission to hand the book out to a student? Isn't it really is our own personal perceptions about whether this material is inappropriate? Is this book, or books like it, to become the Catcher in the Rye of our time?

As a parent, I understand our desire to protect our children. We trust the schools to keep our kids safe, both physically and psychologically. At a minimum, we expect zero-tolerance bullying policies, environmentally safe buildings and teachers who will be respectful and supportive of our children’s needs and learning styles. I can accept that these parents believed that this teacher crossed the line by handing their child this book to read. They may even believe that she was violated in some way. Nobody should be judging them or their child for this belief. They have every right to their feelings. What we don’t know is how they pursued their claim. Did they go directly to the teacher? The principal? The Superintendent? Or the Police? Did they want Nate Fisher fired regardless of an explanation? Did they really want him to lose his job over this?

In the same way that my kids believe their version of the events that lead up to an argument is the only acceptable view, for every reader that is offended by this material, there will be another who finds it perfectly acceptable for their kids. Had Mr. Fisher given this book to a different student, whose parents perceived the content differently or approached there concerns by a taking a different course, there quite possibly could have been an entirely different outcome. He may still have his job, and a student may have been introduced to a new genre of literature that she may never have known about if not for this teacher.

So what are we left with? A young teacher, who’s career may well be over before it even began, a student, who will have to navigate the jeers of fellow students, and parents who in hindsight may always wonder if they did the right thing.

I wonder what Nate Fisher has learned from this experience and if he finds something positive to take away from it. Maybe he’s matured a bit, but I hope that he doesn’t become cynical and will give up teaching altogether. My wish for him would be to find a school where he is appreciated and he continues to be a positive influence on his students. I am sorry that he had to resign as a result of this controversy. His untapped potential will never be realized by these students.

As difficult as life has become for this student, I hope she realizes that her parents were acting in her best interests. Whether she even believed, in the first place, that what they were doing was right, she should be proud of them for speaking up if they believed something was wrong. Kids are resilient, and hopefully, she will discover things like the value of true friendship from those who have stuck with her through this ordeal, self-confidence when she finally walks back through those school doors, and pride in herself that she survived such unwelcome criticism. It’s hard enough being an adolescent, dealing with all of this as a freshman has got to be horrific.

And the parents, while I may disagree with the outcome of their actions, I applaud their strength to stand up for what they believe in. Being a strong role model, especially when it is an unpopular choice takes a lot of courage.

I guess we really don’t know the end of this story. I wish the end could have been this: all the parties sat around a table and they discussed what they perceived to be wrong and to be right about the events. And then, they all agreed that some mistakes were made, no maliciousness was intended, and that they are all working for the best interests of our kids. Apologies were made and second chances were given. And then, they would all walk away from the table feeling like winners, that they had beaten the stereotypical “he said, she said” scenario, and had come together to work towards a positive resolution for all. That would have been the best role modeling for our kids after all.... and there would have been no losers.